Dawn of the Flood
by Gta5ccjs
Summary: A short parody about Dawn of the Dead written Halo style. may become a story. depends on the response I get. REVIEW!
1. Dawn of the Flood

**Disclaimer: a short parody about Dawn of the Dead written Halo style.**

**Dawn of the Flood**

The Minor Elite (Blue) walked through the ever-deepening snow, leaving large boot prints. The Blue Elite was, unfortunately, left on his own. The reason for his lonesome was that his entire contingent of Grunts and Jackals had been brutally eaten by the Flood. Naturally, the Blue Elite had ran away in the opposite direction to the Flood when he saw a Jackal being ripped open and its vital organs eaten by a very large group of Flood Combat Forms. The screams had been rather long and drawn out.

So, the Elite continued forth on its journey, knowing all to well that the Flood would eventually catch up with him and devour him. He knew this because he had already fought off or ran away from increasingly larger mobs of Flood. And the situation was looking bleak. Every so often, the Elite came across dead Grunts, Jackals and Elites, all of which had been eaten and the leftovers discarded.

The Blue Elite approached a door. The Elite, finding nowhere else to go, shrugged and brought forth his Plasma Rifle. The Elite went through the door, crouching. It wasn't the absence of rotting corpses that surprised the Elite, nor was the lack of Flood. It was the large force of Covenant troops that were gathered around a Gold Elite that surprised him. The Elite sighed with relief. He wasn't alone! Then the Gold Elite yelled in fright at the Blue Elites surprise entrance. The Covenant forces turned around and aimed their guns at the newcomer. When they saw that he wasn't a large, mutated George W. Bush look-alike, they relaxed.

"Hmm, it seems another survivor has joined our midst" said the Gold Elite, pointing out the TOTALLY OBVIOUS.

The Covenant Troops relaxed and turned back to the Gold Elite.

"What shall we do, Excellency?" asked a Red Elite.

"Well, first we must find a place that we can escape the Flood"

"And then what, Excellency?" asked another Red Elite. The Gold Elite looked straight into the Red Elite's eyes.

"We try to do what the people on Survivor do" answered the Gold Elite

"What? Complain about the weather, get half naked and sue the director for being incompetent?" asked the Red Elite.

"…..No, we try to survive" replied the Gold Elite, cue dramatic music.

"Where the hell's that music coming from?" asked the Blue Elite, whose name is jilamanel.

"I don't know. It always plays when I say something dramatic" answered the Gold Elite, whose is bob. Nah, I tell a lie, it's jilamanee.

"Oh" said jilamanel.

"Anyway, my brothers…" started the jilamanee.

"Actually, I'm a girl" interrupted a nearby Grunt. Jilamanee glared at the Grunt.

"FINE, my Brothers and SISTERS" said jilamanee.

"That's better" said the female Grunt.

"… We must head to the Sacred Rings Control Room. It shall be safe there. I've heard they have Sky there" explained jilamanee.

"Oooh" chorused the Grunts, Jackals and Elites.

"… Quite, anyway, it is not to far away, so some of us SHOULD survive" stated jilamanee. The Covenant shifted uneasily at that last comment.

"Anyway, to the Control Room!" yelled jilamanee, dramatically. Dramatic music from before plays.

"Dammit!" yelled a Red Elite "I hate that music!" the Covenant Force moved as one and exited the room in which they had sought refuge. And began, the Clone Wars did.

**Disclaimer: what do you think? Yes I know it is short. Just review, dammit.**


	2. The Control Tower

**Disclaimer: next instalment of Dawn of the Flood.**

**The Control Tower**

The 30 forty odd surviving Covenant, which consisted of 17 Grunts, 8 Jackals and 5 Elites, walked nervously through the valley that led the Control Tower. Jilamanel was at the front of the group, ready to run for his life if the Flood attacked the slow moving convoy. Jilamanel felt relieved to be in the presence of the Grunts and Jackals. He knew that if the Flood attacked, the Grunts and Jackals would distract the Flood long enough for him and the Elites to escape. Jilamanel heard repeated muttering behind him and turned to see whom it was coming from. Jilamanee was the source.

"Happy place, happy lace, think happy place" muttered jilamanee. Before Jilamanel could embarrass the shit out of his superior, the convoy of Covenant Troops turned a corner and saw the Control Tower. It was an awesome spectacle to behold. Jilamanel could not find the right words to describe what he was seeing, but a Grunt found them instead.

"Oooh, PRETTTY" said the Grunt. Jilamanel totally agreed with him. The Covenant Force graciously moved towards the Control Tower. But, like all things in life, the Flood thought that it would be a nice day to have a picnic.

The Flood surged out of a nearby café, and thundered towards the Covenant. The Covenant, naturally, kept order.

"RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIVES COS' THE FLOOD ARE…ERK!" explained one Grunt, before he was mowed down by the Flood mob. The survivors ran for the Control Towers entrance. A Grunt fell, a thousand Infection Forms clinging on to it. another Grunt was crushed by a leaping Combat Form, organs and other gore spewing out of the Grunts various orifices. A Jackal had its head whipped off by a Combat Forms tentacled arm. Jilamanel reached the gentle slope that was the Control Towers staircase.

A Jackal that was lagging behind tripped over a tiny pebble. A Combat Form grabbed the Jackals legs and pulled the unfortunate Jackal into the mob, where he was swamped and ripped apart in a gruesome fray. Organs and limbs flew amongst the Flood mob as the victims were eaten. Jilamanel ran through a gap in a barricade that the surviving Covenant had erected. As the gap was plugged, Jilamanel and the others ran all the way to the top of the Control Tower. The group literately peeked over the top of the tower at the Flood bellow. There were now hundreds of Combat Forms wailing, hundreds of waddling Carrier Forms and tens of thousands of skittering Infection forms all baying for the Covenants blood.

"Why do you think their here?" asked a Red Elite.

"Maybe their here for us" said Jilamanee, dramatically. Dramatic music played.

"I'M GONNA SHOOT SOMETHING IF THAT MUSIC PLAYS AGAIN!" yelled the Red Elite that hates the music. Jilamanee turned to the Covenant that surrounded him.

"My Brothers…" he began.

"I'm a…" started the female Grunt, but Jilamanee picked her up and threw her at the Flood below. Organs and gore flew up to the survivors, only to fall back down agian. The agonising squeals could be heard for a full five minutes.

Five minutes later…

"My Brothers, we must fortify our position and barricade the entrance so that the Flood cannot get in" explained Jilamanee, pointing out the TOTALLY OBVIOUS FOR THE _N_TH TIME.

So, the Elites moved the big purple crates to cover the entrance and the Grunts were on weapons detail. There were Covenant and Flood bodies all over Control Tower. The Elites threw the bodies at the Flood, and it is pointless to explain what happened after that. Eventually, the Covenant huddled into a circle around all the weapons that they had recovered.

"Is this it?" asked Jilamanel, looking at the bagpipes.

"Yep" said Random Grunt (you have to read Halo 3: Separate Events to know who Random Grunt is)

"How can bagpipes be used as a weapon?" asked Jilamanel.

"Like this" replied Random Grunt taking the bagpipes and walking over to the edge of the Control Tower. Random Grunt then started to play the bagpipes. The awful noise immediately popped thousands of Infection forms, made hundreds of Carrier forms explode and made hundreds of Combat forms fall apart.

"SEE?" yelled Random Grunt over the din.

"Yes, I see, and for the love of God, STOP PLAYING!" Jilamanel yelled. Random Grunt did as he was requested. Then Jilamanee came over.

"Random Grunt, what of the Shade?" he asked.

"Well Excellency, we cannot use the Shade due to the fact that the architecture of the Control Tower inhibits the weapons main gun rotation matrix and so we cannot achieve the correct angle for the Shade to fire on the Flood below" explained Random Grunt.

Jilamanee looked at Jilamanel.

"Translation?" he asked. Jilamanel looked at Jilamanee.

"We can't fire the Shade at the Flood" explained Jilamanel, simply.

"Dammit!" complained Jilamanee.

"There is a way in which we can place the Shade in a position where it can fire at the Flood from this height" said Random Grunt.

"Do tell"

"Well Excellency, we can use some of the debris from the Forerunner structure to set the Shade at an angle, approximately 45 degrees, we therefore allow the Shade to fire on the Flood at the proper angular projection even at this elevation" explained Random Grunt. Jilamanee looked at Jilamanel expectantly.

"If we put some stones under the back leg of the Shade, we can fire at the Flood" he explained, simply.

"Alright! Lets do it!" Jilamanee triumphantly yelled. A few hours later, the Shade was able to fire at the Flood below.

"Who shall use it first?" asked Jilamanel.

"I WILL! COS' I'M A GOOD ELITE!" yelled Jilamanee, jumping on the Shade.

"FLOOD BARBEQUE!" yelled Jilamanee, pressing the fire button.

Disclaimer: well, that was cool. I managed to write a second chapter for my new story already! I'm chuffed!


	3. Evil Elite 1337 Pwning King

**Disclaimer: hello! Third chapter up! May not be funny. Ah well, just read, would **

**ya? By the way, Evil Elite 1337 Pwning King has entered the story. He is from Halo; Combat Devolved.**

**Spacefan: thanks for the review, and by the way, what are Typos and 1337?**

**Evil Elite 1337 Pwning King**

The Flood continued to howl and yell at the survivors, even as night fell. Jilamanee had given up on the Shade when he realized that more Flood replaced the Flood he killed. Instead, he was busy learning how to play the bagpipes, much to everyone's dismay. He had gotten rather good, but a Grunt had thrown itself of the Tower and onto the Flood below. His screams dampened the bagpipes for a bit. Another Grunts brain dribble ferociously from its head and a Jackal ignited a Plasma Grenade and shoved the blue orb in its mouth. The Survivors were still finding bits of smoking Jackal. So, Jilamanee stopped playing.

Jilamanel was busy playing poker and other card games with Random Grunt, and losing every time.

"Dammit! That's the five thousand, three hundred and sixty fourth time you've beaten me!" complained Jilamanel "how come you're so good?"

"Oh, just practice" Random Grunt replied

"Random Grunt, Jilamanel, get over here now!" ordered Jilamanee. The duo scuttled over.

"What is it?" asked Jilamanel

"Look through the monocular telescopy thing and tell me what you see" instructed Jilamanee. Jilamanel did so. And gasped. Cue dramatic music.

"IS THAT DRAMATIC MUSIC I HEAR?" yelled the Red Elite that hates dramatic music.

"Nooo" replied Random Grunt.

"What do you see?" Jilamanee repeated.

"I see an Elite, he is holding a sign up. Something's written on it" informed Jilamanel.

"What does it say?" asked Random Grunt.

"It says…(dramatic pause)… 'A message from gta5ccjs; readers, review for once. I have not had very many reviews!'" read Jilamanel. Jilamanee and Random Grunt gasped in shock.

"This is grave news indeed. We must do something!" said Jilamanee.

"I know! We will write them an angry letter, telling them how angry we are with them!" said Random Grunt, excitedly.

"… Lets not" was Jilamanee's reply.

"Hang on a minute, he's writing something else" Jilamanel informed the group.

"What does it say?"

"It says; 'Hello, my name is Evil Elite 1337 Pwning King, I crashed landed on this platform when my Banshee ran out of fuel. I have weapons that I nicked from Halo 2, and so I have usable Energy Swords, Sniper Rifles, etc. also, the Author wants people to review, cos' he hasn't had very many reviews lately'" read Jilamanel.

"How can he write so much? Surely his board cannot be that big!" asked Random Grunt.

"His handwritings small" said Jilamanel. Jilamanel turned to Jilamanee.

"Excellency, we must find a way to rescue Evil Elite 1337 Pwning King, he has weapons that we can use to combat the Flood" said Jilamanel.

"Nah, he's not worth it. Besides, I have a hair cut in half and hour, followed by a massage, a peace conference with the Federation and Romulans, and after all that, I have bagpipe practice" said Jilamanee, consulting a dairy.

"Sir" interjected Random Grunt, looking through the monocular telescopy "Evil Elite 1337 Pwning King says he has root beer!"

"WE MUST SAVE HIM!" yelled Jilamanee, running off the edge of the Tower, landing on a trampoline and bouncing back up. Jilamanel sighed and several Grunts, Jackals and Elites held up pieces of card with scores on them.

Four hours later, Jilamanee's hair was five meters long, the Federation and Romulans were at war, because of Captain Picards obsession for Tea (Hot) was destabilizing Romulan space in some bizarre way and the Grunts, Jackals and Elites were still alive because of Jilamanee's cancelled bagpipe lesson.

"Sir, it isn't going to work" said Jilamanel, peering down at Jilamanee, who was busy making final touches to his giant paper aeroplane.

"IT WILL WORK!" was Jilamanee's response. Jilamanee smiled.

"Hee hee! It's ready! Now all aboard!" ordered Jilamanee, getting onto the gaint paper aeroplane.

"Maybe I should stay her…" suggested Jilamanel.

"ROOT BEER!" yelled Jilamanee giving Jilamanel a crazed look.

(Sighing) "Fine, but if we die a horrible, gory and painful death at the Floods hands, I'm going to write an angry letter to you, telling you how angry at I am at you for getting me killed" threatened Jilamanel.

"FINE, I ALREADY GOT ONE FROM A RANDOM ROOT BEER COMPANY TELLING ME HOW ANGRY THEY ARE AT ME FOR DRINKING ALL OF THEIR ROOT BEER!" yelled Jilamanee.

"Why are you shouting?" asked Jilamanel.

"COS' I WANT ROOT BEER!" Jilamanee yelled, pushing the giant paper plane off the Tower. The plane plummets down towards the Flood, but at the last second, it pulls up. Dramatic music plays.

Back at the Tower…

"THAT DRAMATIC MUSIC IS PLAYING AGAIN! THAT'S IT!" yelled the Red Elite. The Red Elite shoots an innocent Penguin.

Meanwhile, the gaint paper plane has done several loop-de-loops and other cool stunts. Eventually, the paper plane lands on the platform. Jilamanel and Jilamanee disembarked.

"That… was unexpected" said Jilamanel. Then the duo sees Evil Elite 1337 Pwning King and Random Grunt.

"How did you get here?" asked Jilamanee, shocked.

"Stairs" answered Random Grunt, pointing vaguely at some stairs that led from the Tower to the Platform.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME OF IT'S EXISTENCE!" yelled Jilamanee.

"I wanted to see you get eaten" said Random Grunt. Jilamanel was busy looking at the giant poster on the cliff's face. The poster read thusly:

A MESSAGE FROM THE AUTHOR:

**_C'MON!_ I NEED REVIEWS! REVIEW MY STORIES! PLEASE! I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND!**

THAT IS ALL

"Wow, what a very good idea **hint** **hint**" said Jilamanel. Jilamanel looked back at the situation at hand. Jilamanee was strangling Random Grunt, The Simpson's style. Evil Elite 1337 Pwning King was already walking down the stairs.

"I think its time to get back" said Jilamanel. Jilamanee stopped strangling Random Grunt.

"An excellent idea!" was his reply. The trio made their way down the Tower. That night, Jilamanee drank Root Beer and Jilamanel won a card game against Random Grunt.

**Disclaimer: did any of you catch the subtle hints? Tell me if you did in your REVIEWS HINT HINT.** **There may not be another chapter for a while.**


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